sight i never lost

my father is in the hospital. officially he has an abscess of staph infection between his gluteal muscles. it is not getting better. he is not in any less pain.

unofficially this is a nightmare of unreal proportions. this has agitated the difficult interaction that my sister and i have with my father's wife, and she's managed to alienate the hospital staff and put the relationships my sister and i have with our father into flux. i'm scared and upset for him but i almost walked away from the entire mess for good this morning when she attempted to invoke her false power of attorney and have us formally restricted from his hospital room and from knowing anything about him.

she did this behind his back. she did this in spite of the fact that he is conscious, cognizant of the situation and able to make decisions for himself.

she then had security called and the guard marched around in front of us as we stood outside of the room while she proceeded to lie to my father about us trying to manipulate him and undermine her.

because apparently after a week of rapid deterioration during which she made no attempt to inform us of the severity of his condition, when my sister went to visit and saw him sitting in a chair in a hallway where he'd been sitting for God knows how long because he could no longer move, the fact that my sister called an ambulance and had him admitted to the hospital is actually a coup in the battle to win some non-existent war of wits against my father's wife.

because it's obvious that when i asked the right questions that led to the revelation of vital information about how he got the infection, what it is and how it can be treated, as well as getting him on a physical therapy routine so he doesn't get bed sores or get a blood clot and so that when they discharge him his muscles haven't atrophied to the point he cannot stand on his own, that i'm secretly attempting to make a fool of this woman, acting actively against her every wish, which is clearly my only objective in even being in the room with him.

because of course my sister and i actually use the eight hours we sit in the hospital next to our father to spew hate-speech against her in his ear while he moans in pain, and subliminally turn him against her since we've been patiently waiting for the chance to do so uninhibited by her presence.

if i manage to make it out of this year without completely ripping my heart out so i won't have to be bothered by it breaking all the time it will be a miracle.

it's impossible for me to be emotionally exhausted anymore.

peace,