the cure for irregulitis

damn. i should be writing here more but i write SO MUCH elsewhere that it's hard to want to write here. for fun or not.

whatever.

as quickly has time has passed, it's been an exceptionally long, oh, year(ish). i'm finally honing back in on my power zone. at least i think so.

i keep saying that here-- that i'm back to normal. the way i was. the truth is i don't remember what that space is at all anymore. perhaps normal has shifted a little now and i'm just more accustomed to that.

really i'm coming to understand the differences between growth and compromise. intimately. and that somehow i lost sight of what it means to be me on my terms. which is odd because i never had that problem until recently.

basically i need to start hanging around people my own age. it seems like two-thirds of the people i know just turned thirty or older and that has been the mindfuck from hell. it's been pushing me into a pre-mature panic about my own maturity and success levels.

in talking with someone closer to my age (she's 24) we both were relieved that we were having the same anxieties about our circles of people. it was a relief to hear someone else vocalize what i'd been thinking for months. i'm not trying to play older or play younger. i'm trying to play this moment for all it's worth. and dammit if i'm not doing a fine job. on paper and in reality.

i'm coming into my own as a creative thinker, as a professional...just as a person overall. i can love and be okay with that. i can hate and be okay with that. i can take action and be okay with that. i can do nothing and be okay with that. i deserve what i want and need and i can be okay with that.

settling in is not my lot right now. i'm up for everything. there is SO MUCH of my own potential i've yet to tap into. it's exciting.

i've been letting go of shit for too long. it's time to take on the new. it's great that everything is so open for me. i graduate in two months. i could end up anywhere doing what i love to do. i feign stress but i'm actually really invigorated by the prospects of the next stage.

i'm tired in a good way.

peace,