tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38950672012-01-16T14:06:03.421-06:00RoRickanoreply@blogger.comBlogger5271100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-74039374915464099282012-01-16T13:50:00.004-06:002012-01-16T14:06:03.431-06:00

LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE BOYIt's 2012, which is the strangest shit imaginable. Like, stranger than 2000. Maybe not.Here's how it's started:- I am still completely jobless- I almost sliced an oval shaped chunk of flesh from the pad of my thumb using a corkscrew to open a bottle of my least favorite wine; I stopped just in time to salvage it- For the second time in as many years I have destroyed a

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-69769459148648738562011-10-06T18:05:00.007-05:002011-10-07T11:37:33.464-05:00

Thank Me Later, MidwestSince I'm leaving this city in a fortnight (dramatic reveal: I don't know how many days constitute a fortnight), I've been trying to keep it classy by barely showing up at promised engagements and having secret interviews for secret jobs. Oh shit! Secrets!Let me tell you something. I'm a plodding-ass, predictable-ass person most times. Until I'm not, that is. I mean, you're

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-88426157371257923122011-06-12T13:22:00.003-05:002011-06-12T15:55:59.912-05:00

Adjacent to the NewI never thought I would be in the position to be selective about my next job. Since last Summer the imperative became just get a job. Get work. Move on from this place that has been as cruel to me as it's been inspirational.After my surgery and all related drama, I thought hard about what I do and how this career path reflects on me, my personal politics, and general interests.

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-41326608338741546032011-03-27T21:26:00.003-05:002011-03-27T21:38:03.329-05:00

well maybei lightweight got my groove back in the last month or so, which has been fun. i now know, to my core, my new drinking normal. this does not include 4+ hours of consistent imbibing. incidentally, i've grown comfortable with vomiting. it's like, my growing up thing. not that anyone ever likes puking, i know. but throughout my public education when all us girls had a "special" lesson

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-63517147816277057962011-01-08T17:21:00.002-06:002011-01-08T17:31:23.229-06:00

yoi "wrote" something for a "book" that just went to press. i'm hoping it won't hold back my ill-defined plans to become upper middle class-level successful before i'm sixty. it doesn't make me feel any worse than stressing my body into emergency surgery, so there's that. doesn't make me feel great, either. hmm.my work is unfulfilling. too many powerpoints and un-repaid lunches for people who

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-57500765066442003602010-12-30T16:41:00.002-06:002010-12-30T16:43:18.182-06:00

Deuces.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-66068421862851719262010-12-24T12:44:00.003-06:002010-12-24T12:45:59.770-06:00

excavationin the last few weeks i lost an internal organ and what was shaping up to be a fine boo-ship with potential for more.it seems my life can't take too much stability. my body rejects contentedness.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-11400865899818955302010-11-30T18:33:00.003-06:002010-11-30T18:37:29.038-06:00

future fuckbuddy husband: hennesy youngman

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-32179071644452244052010-10-02T17:47:00.002-05:002010-10-02T17:50:52.189-05:00

love and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and justicelove and

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-5424108191306068982010-09-06T22:23:00.003-05:002010-09-06T22:29:15.324-05:00

i can smell the rain cominghere's to newness and fall.here's to forgiveness and longevity.here's to unknowingness and living.here's to loss and frustration.here's to assuredness and longing.here's to now.here's topeace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-85774208456627114372010-07-19T21:32:00.003-05:002010-07-19T21:55:37.964-05:00

step one is admitting you don't give a fuckin the wake of almost losing my job and then getting passed over for a promotion i (re)developed a bit of a drinking problem. the problem being that i could not consume enough booze. so, i alleviated that problem by drinking excessively every day for a month (double time on weekends HOLLER). it was a successful venture.but then i realized that i was

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-24548022545418185062010-07-02T18:09:00.003-05:002010-07-02T18:18:04.635-05:00

than yerrrsto cope with this Major Life Decision i'm knee deep in i've been sitting on patios during happy hour drinking beers and talking about bullshit and insulting the debt i don't make enough to pay back.i also said i wouldn't fuck him again but i did. because i missed dick. dick is easy.being burdened by the judgement of others is so fucking common.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-14935461210440233022010-05-12T18:25:00.007-05:002010-05-12T18:30:55.467-05:00

because yes as part of this ongoing and revelatory generative process, words must be written about sweetness. yes, that sweetness. words about an action, and about whom there was a great deal of conflict that broke into curiousness that broke into now. a variation of something that remains something, if that makes sense. and it deserves a space here. for a while there was a fair amount of shame

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-47452261554203973202010-04-01T19:21:00.006-05:002010-04-01T19:58:20.371-05:00

put my coat on fasterso, i've been "actively" "dating" since the beginning of the year. this is, as expected, more annoying than all the quotation marks in that last sentence. but it's the only way i get out of the work to apartment cycle that dominates the majority of my week. i guess.i hate to dredge up the awful term on the market, so i won't. i will also avoid the use of seeing people because

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-84328577072448032192010-03-11T13:17:00.006-06:002010-03-11T22:49:06.350-06:00

unstable connectionhello again.today i'm home sick with a combination of s.a.d., allergies, the flu and exhaustion. so, i figured why not use the time/illness to my advantage and write here. care.i've been thinking about the vapidity of internet/technology-based socializing and how increasingly difficult it is to make and maintain meaningful connections with actual human beings in real space

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-42485869061993303482010-01-23T09:52:00.005-06:002010-01-23T10:21:47.536-06:00

late in the gameoh hello, weblog. it's like we're seeing each other for the first time after a moderate fallout several years ago and all of those memories of how close we were make it really uncomfortable to maintain the distance that seems appropriate as we exchange niceties. we can both see each other reflecting as we smile awkwardly, remembering all that was said and done when days were

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-62225141899089103182009-12-28T21:10:00.002-06:002009-12-28T21:20:35.063-06:00

undeservedthe assholes who live next to my mother allowed their unruly, aggressive, untrained, uncared for dogs to attack and kill our family cat.he was walking by the fence between the two houses as the horrible excuse for a pet owner was walking his unleashed dogs from his car to the front door. they saw digit and mauled him.digit was fifteen years old.of all the ways for him to go, i wish it

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-70819602874375964902009-10-31T14:51:00.003-05:002009-10-31T14:56:56.146-05:00

beast about to strikei spent 80% of my childhood halloweens at a church alternative "harvest festival." it was actually really fun because there was carnival food and endless amounts of candy and no solicitation of strangers involved. i liked that. nacho chilli cheese hot dogs + bottomless butterfingers = awesomeness.this halloween i'm going as an overworked, overeducated, underpaid, exhausted

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-25387150013021132009-09-30T18:44:00.003-05:002009-09-30T19:22:21.374-05:00

seekso basically there are 7 people of color at my new job. 3 are married, 3 are gay men. and me.i didn't think this would affect me as much as it has. relatively, i mean. there are many more urgent, pressing matters to toil over and contemplate. like how i'm going to live on my salary and the fact that every other day i am regaled with stories of or experience secondarily petty violence. part of

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-80453064700197409562009-08-25T00:26:00.000-05:002009-08-25T00:28:38.991-05:00

from the beehive to the land of lakesi have an apartment. i have road trip itinerary. i have what my fresh new employer calls "artsy casual." (i think.) i have determination. i have what i wanted.i havepeace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-31397260738551080142009-07-24T01:09:00.002-05:002009-07-24T01:22:44.273-05:00

four weeksi've been back in utah for a month now. it's been...tough. and enlightening. and soothing. and exhausting. and necessary.coming back here has given me a little anxiety about living in san francisco, namely around the fact that my experience there feels like a glorious dream. a tease of a dream that i've now awoken from to find i'm living the same life i was living three years ago. only

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-33954401082335558032009-06-14T13:39:00.003-05:002009-06-15T00:08:14.940-05:00

from here to there to therei think i'm making up for my civilian air force upbringing now, doing two year stints in random cities accross the states. in approximately one day i will be out of california indefinitely. i've only cried once so far, which is good. although, i've already cried salty tears of emotion in front of most people i've grown close with here in the past two years. so, whatever

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-64542472048697866872009-05-21T21:20:00.006-05:002009-05-24T16:54:50.338-05:00

propagator of the newok.so, the title of master of art was just conferred upon me a week ago. hallelujah. that was one of the hardest things i've done in a long while. i'm glad i made it through in as many pieces as i did.also, in my own medical opinion and considering how achy i still am eight weeks after the fact, i broke/fractured some of my right metatarsals. i would have gone to the doctor,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-34315061184584854672009-04-14T13:31:00.001-05:002009-04-14T13:32:38.544-05:00

welcome to isolationi want this.i will get this.this is mine.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-28715595899480173602009-03-12T17:28:00.002-05:002009-03-12T17:58:04.770-05:00

the cure for irregulitisdamn. i should be writing here more but i write SO MUCH elsewhere that it's hard to want to write here. for fun or not.whatever.as quickly has time has passed, it's been an exceptionally long, oh, year(ish). i'm finally honing back in on my power zone. at least i think so.i keep saying that here-- that i'm back to normal. the way i was. the truth is i don't remember what

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-2037453277212578652009-02-25T13:04:00.002-06:002009-02-25T13:05:38.743-06:00

fuck thisi'm tired.of, like, everything.every single thing.all things.tired of them.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-69421353841063226272009-01-25T14:08:00.002-06:002009-01-25T14:29:29.893-06:00

the letter of the day is 'L'i've been on a rampage of total honesty with people i care about. this has been hard. this has been necessary.dishonesty isn't what i aim for, but i get all tangled up in vagueness in an effort to cloak my vulnerability. so, i know i come off enigmatic. believe me, i've tried to change this. but i can't.for the last three weeks i've been glutting myself on the freedom

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-40529623675226374282009-01-17T15:00:00.002-06:002009-01-17T15:25:32.633-06:00

you don'tno matter what happens in the next four months, one thing is certain. i will have my master's degree. a journey that i've found to be extremely necessary and wholly satisfying over the last few months.i didn't enter into this program with intent having an advance degree so that i can annoyingly put MA after my name on all my business stationary. (to me this is one of the most annoying

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-48762267442292347892009-01-06T23:54:00.003-06:002009-01-07T00:14:33.329-06:00

i don't want to be eitherhello, 2009.nice to meet you.i don't normally resolve to do anything at the beginning of you years since, well, you all end and i keep going.but this year i do have plans. big plans. and as much as i've told myself and other people that i'm going to shut-up, yet again, the gates to my fortress of solitude, i don't think so. no, i don't want to go back and forth again like

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-66572085960123015662008-12-24T17:36:00.004-06:002008-12-24T17:43:56.335-06:00

have some cheer or somethingpeace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-12888605510113671192008-12-19T15:09:00.004-06:002008-12-21T14:39:57.104-06:00

sight i never lostmy father is in the hospital. officially he has an abscess of staph infection between his gluteal muscles. it is not getting better. he is not in any less pain.unofficially this is a nightmare of unreal proportions. this has agitated the difficult interaction that my sister and i have with my father's wife, and she's managed to alienate the hospital staff and put the

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-4911710977591218072008-12-09T00:46:00.003-06:002008-12-09T00:51:41.158-06:00

backhandedmy vision has been clearing for a while now. the realization has been slow. it really took speaking with my sister about something totally unrelated in any way for me to finally put that final puzzle piece into its slot.it may have been me at one point but it's not anymore. it's you.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-42083453270643361822008-12-03T01:05:00.003-06:002008-12-03T01:27:36.262-06:00

stillthis day is never all that easy for me but this time i'm feeling it more than i have since those first few years. it's strange to be this open again and this is part of why i avoid this level of emotional access. can it be that i'll never get over that messiness and sadness? the utter tragedy of it all?my favorite memory is of us laying across the backseat of various cars, since neither of

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-52463510972255405002008-11-29T21:56:00.002-06:002008-11-29T22:05:51.565-06:00

pardon the nonsensei'm still laughing at how horrendous that last entry was. stream-of-consciousness and grammar do not live in the same space. at least for me, anyway.lo, these last few weeks of the year are going to be busy ones, culminating in a trip HOME. i'm really excited to go home this year, and not just because i'm completely exhausted like i was last year. (i do need a break but that's

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-23509118803878661732008-11-22T18:06:00.002-06:002008-11-22T18:44:53.671-06:00

another eleveni'm producing my thesis in chunks of text which to me is like giving insanity a hand-job. whatever. my relationship with the topic of my thesis is full of tumult. right now i'm in love with it, wanting to take it to new places and hold it's hand on the bus, thinking about going half on a baby with it some time in the future...you know, humanizing an abstract concept is so my thing.

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-20967239954819247722008-11-14T17:09:00.002-06:002008-11-14T17:12:09.729-06:00

semi-resignednablopomo isn't in the stars for me this year. this is kind of awesome because it's due to the fact i have so much else going on that i cannot muster the energy to post. i couldn't really say that for the last two years. my life is awesome.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-73751530113390219942008-11-13T01:10:00.002-06:002008-11-13T01:31:46.336-06:00

day twelve: ask mepinch. snap. throb. click.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-64001348875090804032008-11-12T01:05:00.005-06:002008-11-12T01:19:35.109-06:00

day eleven: cold and warmeri'm wearing the shirt you liked me in. it has formal details, and looks stuffy. but you told me i look smoky and delicious when i wear it with the top two buttons undone. and because of that the wind is catching beneath the cotton blend material and my goosebumping skin as i stand under the awning, watching you flipping through today's mail. your stubby fingers slide

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-33949184188311162322008-11-11T00:37:00.007-06:002008-11-11T22:49:56.747-06:00

day ten: asses for the massesi smiled despite the fact that my entire lower body had fallen asleep from sitting on the cold, concrete bench in front of the stained-glass facade that separated the revelers from the three of us. you were sliding your oxfords along the dewy pathway as the condensation froze over; jamal kept sticking his hands between my thigh and the bench thinking that it would

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-58771814630598093642008-11-10T01:42:00.001-06:002008-11-10T01:44:21.117-06:00

WEEKENDbaby, it's yours.all yours.if you want it tonight.come through my door.take off my clothes...and sleep.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-13311697054019860902008-11-09T00:01:00.000-06:002008-11-09T00:02:12.783-06:00

THESIS.i'm preserving my weekends.but not my sexy.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-23319388968828925432008-11-08T01:12:00.003-06:002008-11-08T01:29:20.459-06:00

day seven: lateyou've reached dave. you know what to do."hi...um. [chuckle] hi. it's me. and, i just wanted to let you know that um...hold on. [inaudible voices] yes. sorry. let me just get this out. i know you're made that i was late last night and i know that's why you weren't there when i arrived. but really...uh...it was a work thing. my assistant misplaced the schematics and i...nevermind. i

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-75020043501177617032008-11-07T00:58:00.004-06:002008-11-07T01:15:16.362-06:00

day six: sensory deprivationmy sweat beads on this microfiber couch and puddles where my elbow rest on the cushion.i drop my head and arch my back and feel the hair on your thighs tickle my own in an increasingly fervent pace.you tell me to eat the decorative pillow beneath my wet, open mouth.i grit the velvet between my teeth.please, don't let me up.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-51962865879832160662008-11-06T00:02:00.003-06:002008-11-06T00:52:48.487-06:00

day five: perspectiveit was strange the way the color drained from her face at the beginning of the song as we writhed amid the other club-goers, patting the sweat from our hairlines and mouthing voiceless sentiments of exhilaration. curiously, the change in the flushness of your cheeks was visible even through the pulsing, multi-colored lighting that barely illuminated the dance-floor.you

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-74819714411101965942008-11-04T23:41:00.004-06:002008-11-04T23:48:25.810-06:00

day four: in this it's all we have to do. what? make it happen. you think? yes.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-88848207934744898022008-11-04T12:48:00.002-06:002008-11-04T12:49:08.240-06:00

BUSTEDyeah, three days in and i fall off. ha! i'm still going to soldier on, though. expect a continuation later today.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-24757382881337965842008-11-02T17:35:00.008-06:002008-11-03T01:01:05.593-06:00

day two: passedthe unbearable cold whistled as it sucked into the car through the deteriorating rubber seal around the door. it was at that point in winter when the snow stopped being delicate. it smashed heavily into the windshield, thudding against the wipers that buckled under its weight and failed to provide a clear line of sight for you. in compensation you bent forward as far as possible,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-69568590100404960172008-11-01T17:41:00.007-05:002008-11-02T20:35:13.283-06:00

day one: in the dungeonopen it!hurry, i hear something!she turned the key and we all piled into the room so fast that we didn't realize that once we were inside the pitch black room we would need to find a light source in the dark. the door closed behind the group of us standing on top of each other and we were sealed in, terrified that the footsteps we could hear clicking on the linoleum floor

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-56570430094152527852008-10-27T23:34:00.006-05:002008-10-28T13:08:47.529-05:00

but then again, noi think i finally have my footing after the summer from hell. it struck me the other day as i was strutting around town enjoying the sunshine and this city that i really, really love my life. i'm happy with where i am, what's going on, the potential for my future. it was a major, major lesson for me to come to terms with how i love, who i've loved and how to love again, which is

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-72283242093324051182008-10-23T13:39:00.003-05:002008-10-24T12:14:57.990-05:00

i've got blister game like a muthafuckaas a part of the whole countdown to reentering real life, i had a big thesis review yesterday wherein i had flashbacks of being a sorority pledge. it was undoubtedly a part of the initiation process into becoming a graduate degree holding asshole like so many before me. but see the thing is...i'm good. i'm so good that they really didn't have anything to

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-51335199351970150492008-10-14T18:02:00.002-05:002008-10-14T19:03:57.603-05:00

touchéGod, sensing my utter disdain for the ways of this shitty-ass world, has made me a foster/play auntie. in the next month my roommate is getting temporary custody of her friend's toddler - code name lil' b - and he will be living in our apartment for several months. he is the most adorable, bright, sweet child i think i've ever met. there is no way i can remain bitter and wary of life with a

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-74238726602094971602008-10-11T18:25:00.003-05:002008-10-11T19:17:47.735-05:00

tight around my neckmy roommate was assaulted while waiting for the bus, the gallery was broken into and the art defaced-- welcome to the recession. folks are antsy and listless and volatile. unrest is tangible and resignation obvious.i'm uncertain of what to cling to in times like these or if clinging to anything is the right decision at all. over and over i keep hearing white people saying that

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-42800479871120949012008-09-29T18:02:00.031-05:002008-09-30T00:40:51.648-05:00

beyondi just submitted my absentee voter registration and i'm feeling quasi-enfranchised. so, i'm going to weigh in on the forthcoming monumental presidential election. this is solely for posterity since i recognize that mine is one voice of millions on this topic. years from now i want to look back and laugh at/cry about/dissect the decision i've made.i've been less political on this blog over

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-81082425199548927612008-09-23T23:50:00.002-05:002008-09-24T00:12:04.576-05:00

tit for...tittwo nights ago i laid in bed awake until the early hours of the morning listening to my downstairs neighbors have fantastic sex. it was probably the most erotic thing that has happened in my vicinity for weeks, and i tend to masturbate fairly regularly. judging by the movement of sound beneath the thin floor, they fucked in every room of the apartment. they were going at it so hard

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-10276288505102215172008-09-19T01:03:00.003-05:002008-09-19T01:22:30.519-05:00

jump backsleep-over drama29 august 2008 - 18 september 2008"you will never have what you used to have so stop fucking with your own mind and just let it the fuck go."wow. i am seriously on a roll lately. like, for real. i don't even feel anything anymore. i am immune.i just had a motherfucker i've known for less than a month call me all kinds of hurtful things and assess my life, about which he

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-17221175816425460212008-09-11T13:56:00.003-05:002008-09-11T14:34:00.659-05:00

two days?!on my rental agreement it states that i can only have overnight visitors two nights a week. TWO. this has been a bigger deal lately than i ever imagined it would be.i don't normally bring people to my place because the situation therein is so bizarre and i'm the only one who deserves to be subjected to it because i continue to pay rent to live there. like an ass. any guest i bring home

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-41618214425325643872008-09-05T12:21:00.004-05:002008-09-05T12:39:00.654-05:00

a shining example of marginal ethnic diversity at an insanely expensive school of fine artsfor the past two weeks i have done nothing but the following:given a life history that takes approximately five to ten minutes to groups anywhere from ten to two hundred people in sizesaid: "what's so significant about this program is..." 230901 timeshad awkward salutatory exchanges with people who barely

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-36725081229855105412008-08-31T14:07:00.002-05:002008-08-31T15:37:42.095-05:00

fam-layi come from one of those families that's always existed as a unit unto itself. relatives outside of a few first cousins exist for me only in anecdote and fading memory. it's like once my mother and father got married they took a vow to alienate any of their offspring from their extended family. they fulfilled their oath quite well, even in spite of the ultimate dissolution of their

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-24556039062349164122008-08-25T19:42:00.004-05:002008-08-26T14:58:30.699-05:00

lowlight last week was insane. i found out my sister finally left her boyfriend of four years, not only did i have two contract negotiation meetings but also another job title change, and i had to shelve one of the largest projects i've participated in since moving here because it failed to pick up funding.that last one was really hard as it is what i consider to be an enormous failure. fail fail

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-73822568141516519972008-08-22T20:39:00.005-05:002008-08-25T19:42:40.238-05:00

middayyou got my information from the file that had been created so that i could access that which you guarded. you took it beyond all of those previous conversations of carefully manipulated casualness in which i was here and you were there, sitting in front of me. every verb stood proxy for the one that would have us both expelled from those florescent-illuminated halls, you from your job and

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-53728459707131071202008-08-16T16:17:00.011-05:002008-08-16T18:40:09.932-05:00

my bed is BAN-centraltoday is blissfully lazy. the most constructive thing i have done is make pancakes for breakfast. i never make pancakes. they were deformed but tasty. i have been in and out of bed for the past five hours and really don't have any plans until later. plans that i may break. who knows? anyway, all of my arts shit is kicking into full swing and will be a veritable shitstorm in

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-21828269809082076612008-08-11T23:38:00.007-05:002008-08-14T02:42:50.804-05:00

adding to the pile of voidi was told the other night that it was over. a long, satisfying relationship between two people who had grown so comfortable with one another that if it weren't for the carefully planned and cared for nature of the situation, they might be headed for marital something or other. over. finished.many times i attempted to end things, or pretended to attempt to end things, or

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-20263305363629470882008-08-08T18:40:00.002-05:002008-08-08T19:00:56.149-05:00

lucky eightsafter a hurried few days doing the hustle with some very competent hustlers on the sunnier end, i came back to utah. again. for the third time this year. mostly i come back to do small household repairs for my mother, to have awkward lunches for my father, to get out of the bay/my thesis prison, to meet up with the delightfully bitchy e*star, and relax with my sister.this time i am

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-42965740933490505352008-07-30T01:06:00.002-05:002008-07-30T01:30:48.301-05:00

dropping feelingsthis hurts. i don't like this. at all.damn. i'm such a sucker.but at least i'll be traveling in the next few days. seeing old friends, making new ones. (strike that second one.) getting my mind off of things? is that right?oh and i like this 2.0 business. it's kinda cool. i needed some change to convince myself that i can let go and be ok. i guess the best place for that

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-20891731481047662992008-07-27T13:28:00.008-05:002008-08-01T23:42:17.467-05:00

that book is like thatwith so little of the alleged summertime left, i have all but given up on my fantasy of reading seventy books and and having files of documents compiled for my thesis. now i'm only going to read some hegel-lite in the form of so and so on [stupidly impenetrable philosopher] and this cool hypercolored book i got on visual representation. two. i think i can manage two books

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-59829963637967050762008-07-23T13:30:00.004-05:002008-08-13T20:57:58.709-05:00

famousness is fungible, forgettable(oh sweet, sweet alliteration. you are my favorite. don't ever change!)i was basking/wallowing in the developments of the past few days this cool summer morning in the yay. i was up so early that i did not wash my hair - which is a bigger deal than can be conveyed by words on a screen - and i rushed out of the house so quickly that i forgot half of the shit that

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-46752102528261330112008-07-16T12:39:00.008-05:002008-07-28T21:07:38.335-05:00

new collectionslet the following be committed to record: on a technical tip, i have not had sex since january.i spent the first half of january in a constant post-coital stupor. it was fantastic. the next time i was touched was in may. it only half counts since i was the most drunk i had been in years and i, by choice, never came. (had i allowed myself one sweet orgasm it would have been so

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-45814560049781646572008-07-13T13:35:00.005-05:002008-07-28T21:08:06.216-05:00

chain for foolsthis is a milestone post on this blog. in conjunction with this event, i decided to reevaluate my decision to only have one post visible. there will now be six.it may change back at any given moment. i don't know. after talking to an old friend with whom i've swapped many an orgasm over the years i was feeling rather magnanimous and uplifted. he knows that phone flattery gets him

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-79103239017542183162008-07-09T18:20:00.004-05:002008-07-28T21:08:35.552-05:00

something bold, something new, something blottoed, something blueever the experimentalist, i often find myself in strange situations that end poorly. not horribly, just poorly; not sadly, just poorly. take for instance some recent decisions i've made and their subsequent results:bold - setting up contact with an aggressive nicaraguan, who playfully referred to himself as a renegado with

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-14839525840493195392008-06-26T00:28:00.003-05:002008-07-28T21:09:18.330-05:00

continuing predicationof all major occurrences in my life over the last several months, i have neglected to talk about the one that consumes more of my thoughts than anything, even my thesis: the one i call sweetness. we met over pixels and standard typefaces, somehow transferring years of digital dancing into physical chemistry after two nights of escalating attraction amid the crisp atlantic

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-90874533150662198032008-06-24T17:14:00.003-05:002008-07-13T16:49:14.741-05:00

moistureif i'm not sticky from the heat, i'm dewy from the fog. win/win or lose/lose? i have yet to decide. either way, it's messy and leaves me in constant need of refreshing.more work, more life! there are quite a few advancements in my present situation. collaborations abound; bumping minds and shit.i put in work with my main guh, the inimitable e*boogie, and just talking things out felt great

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-73224787652553454142008-06-19T17:58:00.003-05:002008-06-19T18:49:31.171-05:00

new news is fun newstrip to southern california in september? you better believe that shit. expenses paid? believe that.somehow i feel myself drawn more and more to places i heretofore was fairly ambivalent about. perhaps atlanta sometime this fall, too? i've been peeping some artists down south and am formulating some sick ideas about shows n' shit. i'm blaming all of my creativity on the mass

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-15827388684868317032008-06-15T13:22:00.004-05:002008-06-15T14:50:21.796-05:00

go hard, go homeever the slut for hard beats and hard booze, i stumbled into the cavernous venue where a surprising amount of sexy young everybodies were gathered to indulge in an afternoon dance party. unaccustomed to the juxtaposition of clubbing and daylight, i could feel my body surge with anticipation and energy. the walls seethed with rhythm. the floors swelled with bruises from a thousand

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-83547458930542892152008-06-12T13:48:00.002-05:002008-06-12T14:36:00.723-05:00

bebesi had a really strange conversation with my sister about the age at which i think i'ma have a baby, regardless of relationship status. we were sitting around together while i was home last week, talking about our mom, and i revealed my cutoff age to her.my opinion about motherhood has changed drastically in the last year, something i fully blame approaching and turning twenty-five. it's more

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-51757431957762985082008-06-09T13:53:00.002-05:002008-06-09T14:24:03.612-05:00

a rack sans serifwhen i was younger and my labor was so throughly exploited by my mother for any and every project she completed between 1989 and 2001, i developed a fondness for all things font, print and type. one of the vividest and best memories i have of bonding with my mother was standing over a white poster-board that was placed on the kitchen table as she took a yardstick, placed it on

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-43838738850711993522008-05-31T12:38:00.005-05:002008-05-31T19:17:44.826-05:00

get back. you don't know me like that.most things happening in my life right now have to do with the transgression of my life from chaotically productive to conspicuously leisurely. since i have one of those protestant belief-based childhoods, not using every waking moment to its full potential is kind of making me love this. and hate this. well, suffice to say that i am ambivalent about

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-41642688076949896642008-05-26T12:33:00.003-05:002008-05-27T12:20:19.059-05:00

salutation: my memorial All of this memory. Memory, memory, memory. In recognition of the memorializing tendencies of an amnesic society, I decided to reflect on the people that have directly affected my life of whom I do not have fond, or even clear, memories. Mostly it feels as though I have been forced into having these memories of goodness; compulsively I strain to make all of my

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-81180562850185807272008-05-18T11:35:00.002-05:002008-05-18T11:55:08.792-05:00

le freakthere's this weird conundrum i've been attempting to tackle for the last few months regarding my life and what i share here. this is the closest i have felt to having all the caution i've been grooming go to shit. yes, even after a few very bitter people threatened to 'expose' me after i wrote about my first love and some situations around that time in my life. that was funny, as though

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-32996587688641151492008-05-07T18:45:00.003-05:002008-05-07T18:55:22.102-05:00

I SEE THE SUNthe last four days have been magnificent. and the next four will probably top them. i haven't smiled this much in months.i have officially, and with great success, completed my first year of graduate school.last night i got high and drunk and was fine with it. it only made the chocolate cake and lamb vindaloo taste like gourmet heavenly deliciousness. you know?i was nominated to be

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-26608663797133416792008-04-30T14:12:00.004-05:002008-04-30T14:51:37.627-05:00

living for the city: a concessionas i've grown comfortable with all this fucking wisdom i've gained since turning twenty-five last week, i've come to even further realize that living in a large city with lots of people has taught me so much about myself. as the novelty of sharing approximately 3 miles of space with approximately 800,000 people has officially worn off, i find that i am more

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-75433448868188017182008-04-24T13:46:00.004-05:002008-04-24T13:59:07.994-05:00

yesterday i saw a big girl cryingwell, no, two days ago i saw a big girl crying. in the mirror. since it was me and i have this frustrating condition of crying on my birthday. it is ridiculous.i made it almost all the way through until the big wammo surprise at an opening of my friends' during which they turned me into a big old bawling pile of tears. it was terribly sweet of them considering i

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-63278771523192493992008-04-20T14:51:00.002-05:002008-04-20T15:04:07.974-05:00

remindersthe wind was strong yesterday when i was blown away. so it seemed appropriate in general, the darkness and the gusts of dense air smacking the skin underneath my jacket. in the condensation around the sides of my empty glass there were insubstantial words caught between the glimmer of teeth and the pink of tongue.forty miles per hour, sixty beats a minute, nine hundred jolts to my

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-27038453168220794082008-04-15T21:02:00.002-05:002008-04-15T21:24:49.951-05:00

that next shiti got a ride home and the woman driving decided that she was going to honk at the obvious re-up going on in the car in front of us that was blocking traffic all conspicuously and shit. she did not stop honking until the drop vehicle sped off and the dude who did the dropping shouted at us and lunged at the car like he was going to get in with us and make our acquaintances.that was

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-56519002534665506652008-04-06T19:03:00.003-05:002008-04-06T19:22:35.530-05:00

oh fuck that shiti tried to put my meager html skills to use and "upgrade" my template on this shit.WRONG. ERROR. REVERT! REVERT!my layout will look like this indefinitely. i want to be stuck in 2002. nay, i have to be stuck in 2002. it's cool because that was the year i did the following:- ended my last long-term(ish) relationship- changed universities, majors, and life trajectories- saw the

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-15618500626706411442008-04-05T15:34:00.002-05:002008-04-05T15:43:44.043-05:00

but this header has to gomy roommate was using that online video conferencing thing (skype, right?) to talk to his family back home. all of them were being sweet and shouting excitedly back and forth to each other in french. it was unbelievably heartwarming and beautiful.i'm sappy because my life is all emotional extremes right now: bliss, depression, excitement, terror, frustration, elation. i

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-43960819754924643242008-03-30T16:38:00.002-05:002008-03-30T16:42:19.361-05:00

sun and breezefeels like staccato on the the seventh eighth.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-37690027635234788542008-03-28T22:30:00.002-05:002008-03-28T23:06:54.144-05:00

baby you been rolling solo, time to get down with the teamas time passes my city-stank is wearing off as opposed to developing a nice patina like i thought it would. shit. the past few weeks have brought borderline sexual harassment into my life. i don't like this at all.time to bust out the me that folks don't like. they get the pleasantries and the consideration and like them, but that shit has

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-62252862705961433042008-03-25T20:16:00.002-05:002008-03-25T20:24:08.756-05:00

get deep into this retrogradethe only response i have to this current swing of events is to overindulge in every one of my vices and pray for a catatonic blackout.i am putting serious work into the vice thing, but i need more than that to go to sleep. just for a while. close my eyes and trace the darkness with my scarred corneas until the spinning dissolves my racing thoughts into the depths of

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-85889276391817232632008-03-23T15:52:00.003-05:002008-03-23T16:15:26.532-05:00

this dayas you may know, i believe in Jesus. i believe in springtime beauty as well. the two have come together magnificently today. thank God for the blessings that have led me to live in this state and to have this life.ten years ago i tried to kill myself. i am alive only by the grace of God. i believe this to the very core of my being. no amount of education regarding the creation of modern,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-89039036740587521482008-03-17T20:16:00.002-05:002008-03-17T20:36:22.014-05:00

grid: offmy mother's first husband died some time last week. i'm not sure when but it had to have been after tuesday because that was when she last talked with him. he was evicted from the place he'd been living for almost thirty years about a year ago because the person who owned the property, and who also was letting him stay there for a nominal yearly fee, died. the children came in and had

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-10393233458671613632008-03-11T17:49:00.002-05:002008-03-11T18:00:59.421-05:00

namesakethe last time i went to los angeles i lied about my age to someone who eventually inspired this moniker. i stood in the ocean letting the waves crash into me without moving and almost was swept away by the undertow. after turning a corner in south central i saw a man being beaten while a large number of people haplessly watched. my skin was golden brown from what would be the penultimate

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-86720289817417403522008-02-29T15:50:00.002-06:002008-02-29T16:13:52.554-06:00

my fingernails are really longall except the one on my right index finger. that's strange. i have to cut them. they click annoyingly on the keys of my laptop when i type.i am attributing my long nails to the past three weeks of nightly orgasms. multiple orgasms. and increased dairy intake.with all of these orgasms i've been enjoying, people around me have really been responding to the increased

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-76961492368940702692008-02-20T00:37:00.003-06:002008-02-20T01:21:07.630-06:00

wordlessduring the bustle of my life of the last month there have been few respites about which i can write or speak digressively, sighing into good thoughts and drifting into vivid memories. this is how i envision a true day-to-day to be lived. interestingness finds itself in the little variations of thought, the exciting moment that punctuates an otherwise perfunctory sentence about that day. a

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-41017673055437278332008-02-13T18:23:00.003-06:002008-02-13T18:27:44.837-06:00

ANTPOCALYPSE 2008posting will be suspended until this plague has been lifted.dear GOD, please lift this plague.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-26461723471122474862008-02-09T14:57:00.000-06:002008-02-09T15:33:44.898-06:00

marching two by two INTO MY SHITso, i have a lot to write about. tons, heaps, copious amounts to write about. important things to write about, like my fantastic trip to new york city and the multi-orgasmic aftermath.this is not the time for that.blissfully i awoke this morning. with no really pressing deadlines to meet or meetings to attend, i basked in the sunshine pouring through the spaces in

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-23291106489721941112008-02-06T20:22:00.000-06:002008-02-06T20:25:41.417-06:00

obsessed.peace,

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-84049307466260222772008-01-27T15:00:00.000-06:002008-01-27T15:12:00.461-06:00

i don't think it is possible for me to love my mother more than i do. i talk to her every day. she is nothing but supportive of who i am trying my hardest to be, even though it has taken me down some bizarre paths. it's because of her that i have the bravery to love myself. the fact that she loves me after my teenage shenanigans almost tore us apart is nothing less than a miracle. i thank God for

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-79154274010789214562008-01-24T12:43:00.000-06:002008-01-24T12:47:40.591-06:00

real talki found out on tuesday that i'll be doing a whirlwind tour of about fifteen art institutions in new york city late next week. this threw my shit way off. like, really REALLY off.it's exciting but daunting. the schedule works out to be about five institutions a day. with a trip to philly thrown in the middle. you know, just for fun. throw in the fact that i am b-r-o-k-e and poof! good

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-56050244562893727292008-01-20T14:21:00.000-06:002008-01-20T15:12:25.570-06:00

sexistential crisisone of the main reasons i spent so much time back in utah over the holidays, aside from the obvious one of spending them with my mom and sister, was because i needed to get laid. bad. like, a lot. and with people with whom i am comfortable that us getting off will not result in the catching of any feelings.after my first semester in grad school i was pretty mentally, physically

RoRickanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3895067.post-83132503103028988652008-01-15T18:49:00.001-06:002008-01-15T19:50:43.796-06:00

another day out in the cityevery time i have returned to a place aside from home, i've gotten these strange nervousness pangs just before i step out for the first time. it's always the same feeling, and it's strange. half invigorating, half terrifying, i never know what to make of the feeling. am i never comfortable anyplace but my hometown? can home ever become another place aside from where i

RoRickanoreply@blogger.com